In the sphere of personal growth and development, self-management is quite demanding.
As the slang goes,
“Dem no dey tell person.”
I’ve been on the journey of personal and professional development outside the formal system since 2019, and somewhere on that journey, it occurred to me that personal development is not as easy as it looks.
It’s easier to be motivated to attend classes when you know that a lecturer is waiting in class to mark attendance and use that to determine whether you will sit for the exam or not.
It’s easier to choose to pay attention in class when you know that your lecturer habitually points at anyone in between lectures to ask questions that confirm whether students are attentive or distracted.
Someone is holding you accountable, so you are compelled to stay disciplined.
What’s the case when you are in a self-paced, informal, online class?
Can you relate?
Let’s look at another: I attended church regularly when I lived under the same roof as my parents as a teenager.
Did I even have a choice? Except for when I was sick.
When I got admission to the University of Ibadan in my first and second years, I barely managed to attend church three times in a month (Sunday and midweek services).
There is a landscape to navigate when you are left to manage yourself.
My intention is to discuss the five that I have personally encountered and had to support a few people through.
The paradox of self-management
As you begin to self-manage, you will come to a point where you realise that freedom to choose from many options isn’t always freedom.
Let’s even excuse the toll of having to choose from many options to focus on actually making thoughtful choices.
To spend time scrolling mindlessly through your phone or to spend adequate time on the self-paced online class you started? You know you didn’t have a choice as such if you were within the four walls of a school and it’s time for a class.
To put your clothes and shoes in the right places or to let them be scattered about? After all, you own your own space. Would your parents let you get away with that?
To eat healthy and fit or to feed on junk? I don’t know about some of the 21st century parents, but my parents fed us home-made healthy meals growing up. Consuming junk food, even though moderately, was a choice I made when I started living alone.
The perfectionist’s headache
Perfection is unattainable. Do we all agree?
You can reach mastery, with room for improvement. It’s a dynamic world, you know.
And this is one issue I have had to address with young ones invested in their personal growth and development—waiting till it's all perfect before you show the world what you’ve got.
It’s never going to happen. What you need most is to:
set SMART goals,
start with a clarity of purpose
put yourself out there
embrace a mindset of continuous growth and learning
As you put yourself out there, stay open to constructive feedback, either through your mentors, peers, or even self-assessment. That’s what you miss when you keep hiding under the need to be perfect.
The procrastination puzzle
Pushing for tomorrow what you can and should do today is a foe. No matter how you try to excuse it, we may be looking at a deeper psychological pattern.
Fears. Acknowledge your fear. Get yourself educated on how to demystify your fears, and talk to someone you trust and look up to. Seek an accountability partner that can also provide encouragement and support.
Lack of clarity. Set Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Relevant, and Time-bound goals.
Feeling overwhelmed. Break targets into small, manageable tasks.
Self-care imbalance
‘Let’s say the truth and shame the devil’, investing in personal development when you also have a full-time job or professional career, is a lot.
So, in addition to being intentional about your personal development, be kind to yourself and rest when you should.
Get quality sleep daily. There is no reward in a lifestyle of sleeplessness.
Eat healthy. The only reward in eating junk food is affordability and minimal time. The consequences are nutritional imbalances, weight gain, an increased risk of chronic diseases, digestive issues, energy fluctuations, dental problems, mental health issues, and addiction to junk food.
Invest in a consistent workout routine. Exercises aren’t for building muscles or losing fat. They aid your mood and emotional wellbeing. They are essential for stress reduction, brain function, and sleep quality.
Practise self-compassion. Every day won’t be Christmas. There would be time you would successfully carry the weight of personal and professional career. And there would be times you could only do one. With thyself, be gentle.
The management of self requires so!
Imposter Syndrome
There is no other way to say this: Imposter syndrome kills self-confidence.
Imposter syndrome starts with a poor self-perception, and it grows into finding it difficult to acknowledge your achievements.
I recall one of the smartest guys I know who shared doubt in his competencies creeping on him. I thought it would end as he got bigger clients. But, one time, he landed a very high-paying gig in dollars. And we still had this conversation about him feeling like an imposter.
So, for some people, imposter syndrome never goes away. Successful people experience the feeling too. To manage the feelings, you do exactly what you are finding difficult—acknowledge your achievements.
Yes, you did it! Let it sink!
Having done that, move on to focus on more learning and growth. Yeah!
Management of self requires a blend of psychological insights, self-awareness, purposeful goal setting, self-compassion, and continuous learning. You also need to have community connections.
As we prepare for the New Year, effective self-management is an effective tool that can help you enjoy the journey.
Stay BAKE!
So many things to unpack in this piece. We will sure get the balance, a day at a time. Thank you for baking!
Helpful! Thank you for your enriching content as always.