Love, Black and Blue, and Solo Treats for Your Soul
"I have never gotten a Valentine’s Day gift. Somehow, I’m always single."
That's the feedback from Mally on a post I made on Sunday.
Mally literally took the words out of my mouth. It was the same realisation I laughed about during the week.
I laughed about it because I owe myself no sympathy.
But maybe if I had had a good love life, I would have gotten flowers, cakes, and dresses on one of those Valentine’s Days.
Oh, didn’t I let anyone love me?
I DID!
Just that from getting in our own way and how things beyond our control get in the way,
We lose those we want to hold on to.
And perhaps it's all for the best.
WHO KNOWS!?
Hello,
Meet Rachael Ogunmuyiwa. She’s been single for about two years. But when her dad or some family member not minding their business bothers her with “How is your partner,” she says, “He’s fine.”
I mean, he’s definitely somewhere on the face of the earth. And he’s fine🤗🤗🤣🤣.
"Fine, smart girl like you is single?” Someone asked me last month.
I wish being fine and smart were the only ticket.
To not bore you, here’s my scoreboard between January 2021 - December 2022.
Spent over 1 year holding the door for someone who no send my papa. Such is life😇.
Rachael 0 - Unreciprocated attention 1.
She met someone else along the line, and seem to tick everything off, but they couldn’t date because of their genetic incompatibility.
Rachael 0 - Genotype 3.
Rachael met someone else again, but his parents disagreed that “age is just a number” and wouldn’t let their first son marry from another tribe.
Rachael 0 - Age 1 - Society/Tribalism 1.
Okay, enough of my uneventful love life.
February 14th is knocking at your door.
Are you single, in a relationship, or married?
Valentine’s Day is associated with romantic love and partners celebrating their affection for one another.
If you, like me, are single.
You definitely can’t wait to receive nothing on Valentine’s Day.🙃🙃🙃
It’s also a day to send and receive messages (or gifts) of love and admiration among families and friends.
But you can’t be so sure that your family and friends would take that route... Especially if they think Valentine's Day is just about romantic love.
THAT’S SOME TOUGHIE!
Either way, why should anyone wait until someone else comes around before showing themselves love? Plus, you don’t need to be romantically involved with anyone before you send a message of love and admiration.
I know the love and affection we receive from another person is a source of comfort, security, solace, a boost, and happiness.
It’s amazing to love someone and be loved in return.
Nevertheless, don’t neglect the importance of self-love at the expense of finding love outside yourself.
Black and Blue: Don’t be in a bad relationship with yourself.
It's funny what you do for someone you're romantically involved with but hesitates to do for yourself. It’s like a doctor who advocates regular health assessments but rarely has his blood pressure checked.
For example, some years back, I had some money saved under a strict financial policy. Any decision to withdraw would attract high penalty charges.
A financial projection I had with other sources of income failed, and I was left struggling to even afford proper feeding and transportation.
I trekked and suffered that year, Chai.
I thought of withdrawing my savings and bearing the penalty charge, but I told myself I would be fine. I let myself suffer instead.
Guess who didn’t think twice about withdrawing the money when someone she loved asked her to lend him money?
Yes, it’s out of love. But it’s stupid and unhealthy in retrospect.
A healthy and fulfilling relationship with others is built on a foundation of self-love and self-care.
Solo Treats For Your Soul
Here’s my confession: I love love.
How amazing is it to have someone to share and talk life with? Someone you call your own.
Someone to make you feel great and appreciated.
But what do you do when a romantic partner isn’t present?
I remember last year. Was indoors. I started the day in a poor mood, thinking about my love life. I managed to get over it.
Then, I made my favourites: fish, egg, and locust bean stew; fried plantains; and white rice.
Crowned with chilled juice. Then I got myself two new books.
Not so big treats. But I went to bed feeling cared for.
Last Thursday, as the feel of Valentine's Day filled the air, I took a step further in this self-care thing.
I asked myself,
"If you were in a relationship with you, what would you do for yourself as a message of affection on Valentine’s Day?"
I made a list and checked everything off on Saturday.
Don’t worry; I don’t want you to be jealous. So I'm not going to tell you what I did.
But here’s a guide for you on practicing self-love:
Set a standard for your physical well-being: Exercise regularly to stay fit and keep off diseases, and be intentional about your health assessment.
Protect your emotional real estate: Be intentional about your circle and those you spend time with.
Give to your mental well-being: Worry less, stay positive, and sleep enough (there is nothing beautiful about a consistent sleepless night). Read valuable books. Start journaling.
Be kind to yourself: Eat good food, say kind words to yourself, dress well within your means, and take care of your skin.
Forgive yourself for your mistakes: We all make mistakes. No one has life figured out. Learn from yours and move on.
Celebrate your accomplishments, meat-by-meat: Getting from Zero to Hero isn’t made in a day. Meat-by-meat or bit-by-bit, create your milestones, and celebrate when you win.
Create and keep memories: You have a smartphone with memory space for a reason. Go out, honour invitations to have fun, and make sure you take pictures and make videos. Don’t hesitate to go to the cinema alone if you want to see a movie. You don’t have to wait until you have a partner before you go on a fancy dining date at a restaurant.
Embrace and nurture your awesomeness and uniqueness: I saw a movie where a guy, in an attempt to woo a lady, told her she was beautiful. "I know!" she replied.
Keep your heart open: Somebody son/daughter go find you one day.
SUMMARY: You don't have to wait for the rain to nurture the soil.
Stay BAKE!
QUESTION FOR THE WEEK:
If you were in a relationship with you, what would you send as a message of affection on Valentine’s Day?
Agba writer 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 I enjoyed reading this and I know that soon the scores will be in Rachael's favor. 😘😘😘😘