Beyond the shadow of others: How to understand and improve your self-image

Rachael Ogunmuyiwa

Missy: Can you help me?

Georgie: With what?

Missy: I don’t understand my homework.

Georgie: You’re asking me? I don’t understand my own homework.

Missy: I know, but you are all I have.

Georgie: What kind of homework is it?

Missy: Grammar.

Georgie: I ain’t great with grammar.

Missy: Well, grammar’s just talking and we both talk good.

Georgie: I guess. Gimme.

Missy: There’s a list of sentences, and you are supposed to say if each one’s a complete sentence or not.

After both failing the first attempt to determine if the first sentence is complete or not…

Georgie: I can’t help you.

Missy: (She sighs as she’s handed her book and walks away. Then she turns back to Georgie.) Do you think we’re stupid?

Georgie: Sheldon’s in college right now, and we can’t figure out your homework. What do you think?

Missy: Sometimes I tell myself I only look stupid because he’s so smart.

(Young Sheldon, Season 1, Ep. 19)

Young Sheldon’s brilliance significantly impacted his siblings. In both admiration and frustration.

If you’ve seen the series, you might agree with me that he robbed everyone else of attention wherever he went. Even when it’s not his intent, it happened. That boy would never keep quiet or miss the occasion to be seen.

While they could feel a sense of pride in his accomplishments, as the family’s attention, especially their mother’s – Mary, often centres on Sheldon’s talents and needs, they also experienced feelings of inferiority or overshadowing.

Maybe Missy could live with it as his twin sister, but consider Georgie, the older brother. His self-image drowned.

Societal and familial pressures required him to be a role model for his younger siblings. The poor boy really had feelings of inadequacy and jealousy to deal with.

We have examples all around us.

You are supposed to have achieved something at a certain age because your agemates have.

You are supposed to be the one leading the donation to a family cause, not your younger siblings.

You are supposed to have had A B C D E F because the children of your parents’ friends have.

You are supposed to be the one being praised, not that colleague who just joined the company two weeks ago.

What about what you are letting on yourself?

Comparison.

Feeling inadequate due to someone else’s success.

There’s no other way to say it: You are missing out on YOU. Comparison leaves you blind to your unique skills and competencies.

But of course, there’s another angle: Feeling inadequate may be your sign to work on yourself—identify areas in your life for improvement or new skills to develop.

New Year Resolutions and Self-Image

There’s nothing wrong with having New Year's resolutions. Don’t mind those who try to talk down on it.

But one of the factors pivotal to really having a year better than the previous is your self-image.

What is your self-image?

Understanding your self-image is critical to your personal growth, development, and overall wellbeing. Your self-image can be influenced by both internal factors (thoughts and beliefs) and external factors (social comparisons and feedback from others). The success of your New Year's resolutions also hinges on your self-image.

Look at this: What’s the point of a New Year Resolution that you would increase your income by 75% in 2024 when you abandon opportunities due to fear of failure?

You dey whine!?

Some questions to help you have understand and improve your self-image

1. How do you currently perceive yourself?

2. In what situations do you feel most confident and authentic? Are there areas of your life where you feel you are not being true to yourself?

3. Reflect on your achievements in 2023 and the wins of those in your circle. How have these challenged or shaped your self-image?

4. How did you respond to setbacks in 2023? Did your self-image play a role in how you handled them?

5. What aspects of your self-image would you like to enhance or develop in 2024?

6. Consider the resolutions or goals you have for yourself this year. Are they realistic? Are they defined by you, or is it a ‘copy and paste’ of what is in trend or what everyone else is doing? How might you adjust your resolutions to reflect yourself and promote a healthier self-image?

7. Look around you for people you admire for their accomplishments. What qualities in them resonate with you, and how can you incorporate those qualities within yourself? Remember that rather than stay outside and compare their lives with yours, you can attempt to get close and learn from them.

As you work on the questions above,

Have a Mindshift.

Someone else’s success shouldn’t feel like your failure. Don’t let it diminish your own worth. There’s room for everyone.

In Season 1, Episode 19, of Young Sheldon, Missy said, “Sometimes I tell myself I only look stupid because he’s so smart.” That hints at a common issue: we sometimes underrate ourselves based on the achievements of those around us.

Take them on.

I’m still watching Season 1 at a slow pace. Here’s my observation: Georgie didn’t stretch himself or take on tasks that allowed him to prove his worth to himself.

Note: To himself!

He’s resigned to: Sheldon is the only smart, favourite kid at home and every other place. I’m not going to even try out my own capabilities.

That significantly affected his self-esteem and self-worth. He even succumbed to cheating during a test.

Until Missy made that statement, “Sometimes I tell myself I only look stupid because he’s so smart.”

He’s challenged to try. Sheldon was not available anyway. So, he took back Missy’s assignment book.

And who scored 100%? Missy.

However, you could see the lack of expectation on his face when he saw the result. He didn’t expect the outcome.

What a self-image!

You can achieve success in your own right.

Stop looking at your neigbour’s garden. Except to learn.

They try without fear of failure.

They put in the work.

Take on the work that yours requires.

Stay BAKE!

Did you enjoy reading this? What are you thoughts and feedback on the issue of self-image?